Here is the thing! This is August 2014, no woman should get judged for having consensual sex. It could be casual, a one-night stand or within a long-term relationship. Whatever it is, however a woman chooses to explore her sexuality is up to her. No woman should be judged for what she does with her body. My point is, if we can establish that a woman is having sex because she wants to and not under duress, everyone, including preachers and chiefs must respect her right to her sexuality.
Last week, a Tamale chief issued a ‘fatwa’ [death sentence ] against the girls on that leaked sex tape. Naa-Dakpema Dawuni Alhassan wants the women hanged-drawn-and-quartered for having sex. He wants them fired from their jobs and banished from Tamale.
“I say they should be driven away from Tamale because if we allow them to stay, they are going to bring something new to the youth of Tamale,” Naa-Dakpema Alhassan said.
Never mind that these women were on the tape with a man. Sex tapes don’t make any sense. If the sex is that mind-blowingly amazing, why don’t you just redo it? Sex tapes fall under the category of things not done under the influence of sex. There are too many examples of how that adventure leads to world-wide shaming and stigma. But many people only learn by repeating the mistakes of others. So if an adult couple decides against all evidence and makes one, we should remember it was done behind closed doors.
In the Tamale case, a grown man filmed himself performing various sexual acts with over fifty women. Yet Naa-Dakpema Alhassan didn’t have any sanctions for this man or whoever decided the tape was good for national consumption. Someone in this equation ought to be sanctioned, but it’s not the women.
Naa-Dakpema Alhassan’s rage comes from the same place Ghanaian men get their scorn for women who dare to have sex because they want to. It is alright for a man to have many sexual partners, but abominable for women to do same. A man’s virility is even measured in some circles by the number of women he has had sex with. But a woman who does same is labelled ‘loose’ by these same men.
Thus, men here talk about consensual sex using phrases like; “A is giving it to X, Y has chopped B, Z has been using that C’s machine.” The ‘machine’ refers to the vagina and ‘chopping’ means having sex. They speak like the male member extends by a few inches while the vaginal walls lose a few muscles during sex.
Last Friday, a leading Pastor in Ghana reportedly told the women in his congregation that “when you are a young unmarried lady who sleeps with a lot of people, you are like an apple that has been bitten by many men. In the end, the person who marries you ends up with a terrible-looking, well used product.”
I hope this preacher who is also a medical doctor knows that you cannot judge a book by its cover. There is nothing on the body that records the number of sexual partners as women go along. How come only women end up looking terrible and used after sex with many partners? What happens to the men?
I get where the preacher’s comment comes from. The two major religions in Ghana, Christianity and Islam forbid sex before marriage – sex is reserved for procreation – and righteous folks only procreate within marriage.
But Ghanaians are not that holy; many are having sex outside marriage. Not everyone is filming it, but everyone is having some kind of sex. Teenagers are experimenting with adults and peers. Male pastors are sleeping with members of their congregations, students are doing it with lecturers and married men and women are having sex with people outside the union. Traditional priests are doing it on behalf of the gods. Ghanaians are like bunnies behind closed doors.
This is why I am deeply troubled by the pastor’s comments quoted above. During sex, partners yield to one another, there is no superior person in the room. Women are not used like soap during sex either. Righteous folks must recognize that women are as sexual as men.
Many will have many sexual partners before marriage because it is just the way of the world. If it doesn’t degrade a man to have many sexual partners, it shouldn’t degrade a woman either. So with all due respect, i would like to ask all men to get out of the sex lives of women. It is her vagina, her decision.